033014ZXT
Dear Crush,Hi crush! :) remember I always say Hi whenever I get a chance to say it?
I got a confession to make. Well, I don’t think if I can still call this a confession since I’ve already told you about this. I can say that I’ve felt something special towards you the first time I laid my eyes on you. I got interested in you especially that moment when we were in a room with our other wave mates and I caught you texting then you smiled at me. I like the way you talk, you look and you smile. First day of our training, I was hoping that we can be friends not because I’m interested in you but because I want to know you more.
As day passes by, I learned a lot about you. First is, you are in a same sex relationship which made me shocked because I wasn’t expecting that because it’s not obvious especially that you are so manly and gentleman to everyone. Remember that day when you asked me to change you but I refused? I refused not because I don’t want to change you but because I just met you, and I don’t want to hurt your syota and I’m afraid I’ll develop a deep feelings towards you. I don’t want that to happen coz I’m afraid also that in the end, I will lose you. But you know, when you told me that you like me, I was really happy. Even now, if I think of that moment, it can still paint a smile on my face. That’s how special you are to me. Thinking of you makes me smile.
I can also remember our first hug. That was the day when our trainer separated us coz she noticed that we always do kulitan during our training (but for me, I call it lambingan. Hehehe) she transferred me next to her which is kinda far from you. And when we had our lunch in the pantry, you hugged me so tight and told me that you missed me. Made me kilig coz we are just in the same room yet you miss me. I know its wrong coz you are taken yet I kept on flirting with you. (Flirting ba jud xa na matawag ?? hmm .. I doubt it kc YOU LIKE IT DIN NAMAN .. bahahahaha ! )
Those days, I can still feel that you are feeling the same way as I do but during our nesting, everything changed. You changed. And the way you treat me also changed. Kumbaga, sa simula, uu nararamdaman ko pa na mahalaga ako sayo pero nung nag nesting na tau, nag iba lahat eh. Wala nakong na fefeel na special sa mga hugs mo. Parang pang kaibigan nalang, di katulad nung una, na fefeel ko talaga na sincere ka, na may sparks tlga. Siguro dahil nasanay ka na sakin. Medjo close din tayo sa isa’t isa at sa mga wave mates natin.
I’ve been controlling myself. It’s been months, yes! And it’s really hard. So hard that every time I think of you, yes it makes me smile but it also makes me cry. I’m not sure when did it start but I know I love you.GIATAY ! (that’s why I hate love) I’ve been ignoring this feeling of mine but whenever I see you, I just can’t control myself. I can’t control myself from hugging you and papansin to you. And it hurts every time you talk about your syota, or when you talk about your past experiences, but most especially when you flirt with the girls in our office. I don’t know if its crazy or not coz I’ve been hoping that you’ll love me back (which is IMPOSSIBLE). Remember that night when you texted me that you want to pass your time in our home coz you and your syota argued? When we are in my room, I really wanted to comfort you coz I can really see how hurt you are and I can see the pain in your eyes but then again, I controlled myself coz I’m afraid that if I comfort you, I might do something stupid that I will regret. And I don’t want to take advantage of you.
I think it’s enough. I mean, I think I need to stop. This has nowhere to go. I love you, yes but I need to stop for me to move on. So starting today, I will stop hoping. I will stop loving you but I will continue being your friend. And I want you to know also that I enjoy every moment I spend with you. I enjoy every conversation we make. I cherish every moment that I hug you. And I also cherish those moments when we are just staring at each other and smile. Thank you because you brought excitement to my boring life and thank you also for playing a special role in my weird world. I know that the next time I will read this, it will definitely bring back memories and will make me smile.
P.S
I want to dedicate this song to you…
>> Shower Me with Your Love - By: Surface